What Happens Next

She stood in the bedroom doorway and scanned her living quarters. She finally made out a shape outlined against the window. Still here. A good sign--she hoped. She padded softly across the room, careful not to disturb the young woman. She had expected to see her hands clasped behind her back in that customary stance, but she stood loose-limbed, with her arms at her sides. She took a few moments to admire the view; her eyes roamed from the blonde hair hanging loosely around her shoulders, over those shoulders and followed the indentation of her spine down to the swell of her buttocks. She flushed at the memory of caressing them in her hands.  

Needing to feel that skin against her own again, she stepped forward and gently placed her hands on Seven’s hips. Her companion didn’t even flinch, and she smiled to herself. She knew I was here; she waited to see what I would do. She inched forward and slid her arms around the young woman’s midsection. She was rewarded for her efforts when Seven leaned back into her body. She tightened her embrace and placed a kiss on Seven’s right shoulder before resting her chin on it. She said nothing, just studied their reflection for some long moments, as did Seven. She wanted to know what Seven was thinking, but didn’t want to press the issue. She hoped that her very solid and continued presence would encourage the young woman to speak her mind--something she had rarely been shy about before.

In the meantime, she reveled in the feel of this magnificent woman in her arms. It had been so long since she had held anyone, or been held, and she wanted to savor this moment. Cherish it. She only hoped that she had helped make Seven’s first time as special and memorable as it could be. 

She wasn’t sure what to expect from Seven now. Although she had been the ‘first time’ for others, Seven was hardly a typical individual in any respect--a fact that had the capacity to both frustrate and delight her, and sometimes both simultaneously. Despite the fact that Seven had initiated and been a willing (not to mention enthusiastic) participant in their encounter, she was unsure what Seven wanted or expected from their relationship now. If it turned out that Seven only wanted this one experience, would she have the strength to back away? To deny herself again? Although it was almost a habit by now, and an unspoken requirement of the Captaincy, Seven had worn through her customary defenses, leaving her exposed and vulnerable. She wasn’t sure she could rebuild those walls if she had to--at least where Seven was concerned. And what if Seven became so lost in the throes of first love that she wanted it all--right now? An infatuated--and often painfully blunt--ex-Borg might be more than she could handle. Discretion would be difficult no matter how their relationship proceeded. And discretion about her personal life and feelings was crucial to her job, and part of her responsibility to the rest of the crew. How to balance her responsibility to Seven’s developing humanity against her own needs and wants? And just what did she want, anyway?

As if in answer, Seven slid her arms into place atop her own, and settled more firmly into her embrace. She leaned her head into Seven’s and smiled to herself. More of the same would do, she thought. She noticed from the reflection the traces of a slight, contented (she hoped) smile on the young woman’s lips.

Seven finally broke the silence. "I begin to see why Mr. Tuvok finds gazing at a starscape an aid to meditation."

"Hmm?"

"It does seem a useful activity for focusing one’s thoughts."

She wasn’t sure whether to respond to Seven’s actual comment, or the implication that Seven might herself be in need of focus. More often than not, she was the one Seven turned to when she needed to think something through, but she wasn’t sure whether it was appropriate for her to serve in that capacity now.

She decided to be noncommittal, for now. "Natural phenomena can have that effect on people. When I was growing up in Indiana, there was this old tree out in a field near our house. I used to climb up to a certain limb and sit there whenever I needed to think--or just to get away." She noticed Seven staring at her reflection with an odd expression.

"What?"

"I am trying to…imagine you climbing a tree."

She laughed at that. "Well, I admit I haven’t in some time. But if you’re that curious, I have a simulation of it programmed into the holodeck. I haven’t visited it in quite awhile, though." 

"I…would like that."

"What? Climbing trees?" she teased. She found it difficult picturing Seven engaged in that activity herself.

Seven smiled. "Perhaps. But I meant that I would like to see someplace that was special to you."

Seven’s admission was a little unexpected, and utterly charming. She felt herself blush, and she had no doubt that Seven would notice. "I’d like to share it with you, Seven."

Seven merely nodded and turned her attention back to the view before them. It was some time before she spoke again.

"During my time in Astrometrics, I have spent much time studying astronomical phenomena in the regions we’ve passed through, as well as star charts of numerous sectors, including many in the Alpha Quadrant. Due to my time with the Borg, I am also familiar with many other star systems."

When she didn’t continue right away, Janeway prompted, "But?"

"But, I have never…looked at them. In this way."

"In what way, Seven?"

She struggled for the words. "As aesthetically pleasing. As something larger than myself. As…objects of wonder. I know so much about astronomical objects, but I understand so little."

Janeway was almost at a loss for words. Seven’s comment revealed a considerable cognitive leap for her, and it took her a moment to decide how best to respond. "Beauty is not irrelevant, Seven. And neither is philosophy. The stars, as well as other natural phenomena, have inspired poets and thinkers on thousands of worlds. And no matter how much we learn about such things, I think they will always have an air of mystery about them, precisely because they are larger than us. I may understand the conditions that lead to the creation of a nebula, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still amazed by it all. And it doesn't make them any less beautiful to me."

Seven looked troubled, but said nothing. Janeway let the silence stretch out between them. Finally she decided that she would have to draw Seven out more.

"Seven, are we really discussing astronomical phenomena?"

The young woman looked startled by the question, but only for a moment.  "Not…exclusively."

"Care to elaborate?"

Seven sighed. "The Doctor's lessons were insufficient."

"Lessons?"

She seemed almost embarrassed. "On…dating."

She had heard the rumors, but she hadn't let herself believe them. She hadn't wanted to believe them. She pulled away slightly and turned Seven to face her. "Wait a minute. The Doctor was giving you dating advice?"

"Yes."

She wasn’t sure what to think about this development. Talk about the blind leading the blind. "Is he still?"

"No."

"Because you found his advice 'insufficient?'"

"No. I terminated the lessons because I concluded at the time that there was no one onboard with whom I was compatible."

Janeway smiled at that. "Well, I’m glad you changed your mind. So, did you put any of the Doctor’s advice to use on me?" she teased.

Seven looked confused and thoughtful for a moment. "Not…that I am aware of. The Doctor’s advice tended to be gender-specific."

"Ah. I’ll bet it was," she muttered. She slid her arms around Seven’s waist and pulled the young woman toward her. 

"It did not occur to me… I didn’t know what my feelings for you were--what they meant. When I kissed you… I did not plan it. I just found myself…wanting to. And when I did…things seemed clearer, somehow."

Seven's eyes had been moving about, refusing to focus on any one thing--the way they often did when she was nervous or unsure. But then she looked directly at Janeway. "Captain?"

She felt ridiculous being called by her title after everything that had happened, and while being so obviously out of uniform. She fought the urge to laugh; she was afraid Seven would misunderstand and be hurt. "Seven, I think under the circumstances you can call me 'Kathryn.'"

"Kathryn." She pronounced the name slowly and deliberately. It sounded wonderful. "You are attracted to me."

She smiled and reached up to caress the young woman's face for a moment. "Oh, yes. I have been for some time." Almost from the beginning.

"But, you did not…"

She placed a finger across Seven's lips to silence her a moment. "Because…it's complicated."

Seven nodded, "Because you're the Captain."

"Yes. And, because I'm your mentor--your teacher. I have responsibilities to you. I couldn't take advantage of you."

Seven tilted her head and looked at her intently. "And what you wanted did not matter?"

"No."

Seven wrapped her arms more tightly around her lover's back. "Kathryn. The Doctor's lessons--none of my research on the subject--could have prepared me for what I experienced tonight. With you. For what I feel now."

She shook her head slightly. "Seven. I don't think any amount of research or training could have prepared you for your first time. It is, by definition, a unique experience."

"Kathryn, there is much I still do not understand about…romance. But there is one thing I am certain of now. Love…is not irrelevant." She disengaged her right arm and reached up to cup Janeway's chin in her palm. "Not even for you."

She was stunned into silence. And, since no words would come, she responded the only way she could. She leaned up to place a tender kiss on Seven's lips. One became several as the two women slowly explored now-familiar territory. She felt the warmth spread through her belly once again, but she felt none of the urgency she had during their earlier joining. It was a comfortable tension, and one that could be sated later. For now, she was content to savor the growing intimacy between Seven and herself. When their lips parted, she was finally able to speak, her voice low and rough with emotion, "Thank you."

Seven just smiled down at her for some moments. But, as the smile faded, she began to look more and more uncertain. Janeway waited to see whether Seven would speak up without prodding.

Finally, she did. "Cap--" She shook her head as she caught the slip. "Kathryn. What happens next?"

"With us?" At Seven's nod, she continued, "Well, that depends a great deal on what you want to happen next. I don't want to push you. Assuming you want this part of our relationship to develop further, I think it would be best for the both of us to take things slowly. For now, at least."

"One step at a time."

"Exactly."

"That is acceptable."

"Then, how about dinner tomorrow evening, 1900? Preferably here, but in the Mess Hall, if you prefer."

Seven's ocular implant rose slightly. "You would prefer not to acknowledge our relationship publicly at this time."

She shrugged. "Frankly, yes. I would prefer that we be as discreet as possible--especially now. Understand: I'm not ashamed of you, or of us. But, I think we could both use a little time to adjust to the fact that there is an 'us' now. And, I'm a little concerned about how the crew might react. You can never be certain about such things. To be honest, if this were a routine mission in the Alpha Quadrant, I would not have allowed myself to become involved with a crewmember at all. It violates protocol and just generally complicates things."

"I think you give this crew too little credit. They understand the difficulties of our particular situation, especially for you. They would want you to be happy."

"You may be right, Seven. But I would still rather keep this development between us. For now." She smiled, "I'm not sure I'm prepared to share you right now. At least not while we're off-duty."

Seven smiled in return. "Very well. It's a 'date.' I will meet you here at 1900 hours this evening."

"Thank you. I'll look forward to it." Her smile turned into a yawn, which prompted her to ask, "Did you sleep? At all?"

"Yes. For approximately 2.85 hours. I then watched you sleep for another 35 minutes before coming in here."

She smiled again at that Borg-like precision that was so familiar, yet almost out of place given their circumstances. "Do you need to go regenerate?"

As if sensing Janeway's hopes, Seven answered, "I can postpone it until after my duty shift with no ill effects."

"Good. Take a few hours off, if you need to. Just let Commander Chakotay know. We have a couple of hours yet. What I would like is for you to come to bed so we can try to get a little more sleep. If that's acceptable to you?"

Seven nodded, "It is."

"Good. Who knows? Maybe I'll even get the chance to watch you sleep."

"That would not be advisable. You need the rest more than I do--you should sleep as much as you can. You may need your strength for tonight." Seven barely concealed the beginnings of a smile.

"Ugh," she groaned. She turned to the side and began guiding the young woman back to the bedroom. "What have I gotten myself into?" But she couldn't help but look forward to finding out just how much 'strength' she would need to keep up with her new lover.

"You're asking me?"

She saw the smile on Seven's lips from the corner of her eye, and then she did give in to her urge to laugh. "You know, your sense of humor is improving, I think."

Finis.

© November 2000