Senses

This woman.

The smell of her: fresh, and clean, the scents of her soap and shampoo still clinging to her, just beginning to be overtaken by the oh-so-intoxicating aromas of her body--sweat, and arousal.

The sight of her: flushed, her breathing uneven, her hands fisting where they lay at her sides, her arms still trapped in the sleeves of her robe. I felt a little guilty about leaving her confined like that, but I still wasn't quite sure I was ready to have her touch me the way she certainly would have, had she been able. I knew I wanted her. My desire for her had been growing stronger the more time we spent together. But when she answered the door tonight, clutching her robe closed and apologizing for running late, and looking all tousled and wet and hot, the surge of desire I felt was so intense I just...pounced. I caught her by surprise and used her confusion to my advantage. I pushed the robe off her shoulders and had her on her back on the bed before she knew what was happening.

She still looked as if she weren't quite convinced this was happening, but along with the uncertainty, her eyes were filled with love, need, desire, worry--for me, I guessed--and more than a little fear. Of what, I wasn't sure, but I trusted her to tell me if she wanted to stop.

The taste of her: the savory tang of the sweat gathering along her neck and shoulders served only to increase my appetite, making me crave more. Making my mouth water in anticipation for the taste of her arousal--a flavor I remembered well from our one night together, and one I wanted very much to have on my tongue again.

The feel of her: the softness of her skin, warm and alive under my fingers. Her hair still slick and wet. The way her nipples stiffened under my hands, the sensation of them filling my mouth, their texture under my tongue. The twitching of the muscles in her stomach and thighs as I ran my fingertips lightly over them. The motions of her hips. The slick, wet heat at her center.

"Bianca!"

The sound of her voice: strangled and husky, infused with desire, need, love, and just a hint of desperation. She was getting close--the other little sounds she made said as much. The uneven hitch of her breathing as I brought my mouth to the place we both wanted it most. Her sighs, and the low moans in the back of her throat. The way she said my name like it was a benediction, or a prayer.

This woman. All of her. Her scent filling my nostrils. The sight of her watching me, her eyes fervently searching mine, until it all became too much for her and she threw her head back as the first waves of her orgasm took her. Her honey on my tongue. I reached out blindly to take one of her hands in mine, letting her hold on to me for the first time. Her fingers gripped my hand as her muscles contracted, squeezing the fingers I had inside her. Her long, throaty moan, and the way she murmured my name breathlessly as she regained her senses.

I savored one last taste before placing a tender kiss on her belly. I pushed myself up on my knees and slid an arm under her hips, pulling them off the bed slightly, and using my other hand to tug at the sleeves of her robe and free her arms.

Her eyes were a little glassy as she watched me crawl up to lie against her side. She draped an arm across my back, resting her hand gingerly on my hip. I nuzzled into her neck and slid an arm across her waist. I felt a little ridiculous, still being fully clothed, but the thought of exposing myself like that--even with Lena--was still a little frightening.

"Are you okay?"

She snorted. "Am I...? My God, Bianca. You... That was..."

I looked up to catch her rolling her eyes at her own incoherence. When she focused on me again, she just smiled crookedly and said, "thank you."

I reached up to run my fingers through her still-damp hair. "Thank you."

Lena's brows furrowed in confusion. "For what?"

"For..." I shrugged, not quite sure how to say it. "For letting me... And for not..." How could I finish that sentence? For not stopping me? For not questioning me? For not trying to touch me? I wasn't sure myself.

"It's all right, Bianca. I know this must be difficult for you. Please know that I would never try to push you to do anything you're not ready for."

"I do know that, Lena. I just wish I could..."

She reached up to cup my cheek. "It will happen. When you're ready. Did tonight help? At all?"

I covered her hand with my own, holding it to my face. "It did. I don't know how to explain it, but it did." Being with Lena had been revelatory. Knowing I could still want someone this much, that I could allow myself to be sexual again, if only in a limited way. It was such a gift.

I sighed and lay back against her side. "If only I could be as comfortable with my own body as I am with yours..."

Lena's fingers threaded through my hair. "You will be. In time. Just... If there's anything I can do to help, you'll tell me, yes?"

I nodded against her shoulder, wishing I could be braver, for her sake.

"Should we... Do you still want to go out to dinner?" she asked tentatively.

It felt so good to be in her arms, I didn't want to move. "Uh-uh. Let's just call out for pizza so we can stay here and cuddle."

She didn't say anything at first, so I started to worry that maybe she'd rather get dressed and get some distance from me. Lena shifted slightly, and I was about to move and let her pull away when she dangled the phone receiver in front of me.

"Order whatever you like. There's a little place a few blocks away. It's number five on speed dial."

I grabbed the phone and pushed up on my elbow. "You don't have any pizza preferences?"

"No anchovies, and no pineapple."

"Oh-kay. That leaves us with plenty of options." I called in the first thing that came to mind and stretched out to drop the phone on its cradle.

I looked down at her. "Lena, I love you."

Her smile lit up the room. "I love you, Bianca. More than you know."

I placed my hand over her heart. "I know, Lena. I know."

I lay back down, settling my head where my hand had been.

The End

© November 2003